“We Three Kings” is, hands down, my favorite Christmas carol. The image of the noble men on camels following a star through the desert, the mournful melody, and the mystery of myrrh and frankincense fascinate me. I always wondered why the wise men considered the stuff as precious as gold, so I did some digging. Read More
I was always shy about massage. I worried about handing my naked body over to a stranger and I was embarrassed about feeling fat. Getting touched intimately by hired hands intimidated me. And just where would those hands be? I wondered. What if it felt too good? When it came to massage, I was George from Seinfeld: way too uptight to enjoy the experience.
All that changed one day when I had to research massage for the book New Choices in Natural Healing for Women. Read More
I don’t know about you, but I’ve reached my worry threshold. The world around me seems like a giant, roiling mess—what with my plummeting 401(k); my fears that finances will worsen before they improve; and my college loans, credit cards, and mortgages getting harder to come by. And don’t even get me started on the election. Yikes! Please, enough already! (And this is coming from a woman who can beat Pollyanna at optimism with eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back.) Read More
Your alarm clock didn’t go off, there’s a pile of projects waiting for you at work, and your next vacation is months away. When everyday life is enough to frazzle your nerves, adding “Relax, already!” to your to-do list might just make things less bearable. The happy truth? There are simple ways to fight back when stress strikes—no matter how crazy your schedule. Try these tricks. Read More
Q: How do you combat stress?
A: I’m definitely a person who gets stressed out, but we all have things that we learn over the years that beat it, whether it be calling my mom or my best friends to say hi, because hearing their voices make me feel better. Or go to the gym, take your dog for a walk, whatever. One thing I’ve learned is you can’t control a lot. Don’t stress out about it, be pro-active about it. Read More
How many times have you said, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day”? It’s true: Time is finite, and you can’t stop the clock. But you can rethink how you expend your energy, which is limitless. First, you have to figure out if you’re spending it wisely. (Replaying bad news on the TV or fuming over something a friend said can waste energy—even volunteering can exhaust you spiritually.) Enter Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr, EdD, authors of The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal. Their plan tracks energy expenditure and recovery in four areas—emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. This strategy helped one of Health life coach M.J. Ryan’s clients make a major change. “She thought she needed a vacation, but after mapping her energy, it turned out that she was tired because she wasn’t spending enough mental energy,” Ryan says. “She needed a better job, not a trip to the beach.”
By Gretchen Roberts
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Q: My kids are so busy, and I don’t want to deprive them of their activities. But how do I find time for me, too?
A: Many moms make the mistake of overloading their children’s schedules, crowding out time for their own self-care. That’s bad for both mom and the kids, says Kathy Peel, author of the best-selling The Family Manager books.
“We all need a healthy balance, and it’s the parents’ job to create that balance in a child’s life. Children need time to do schoolwork, get plenty of rest, develop good eating habits, exercise daily, spend time alone, and have fun with the family. Plan your family’s schedule based on those needs,” Peel says. As for the guilt factor? “Children are naturally happier when you’re less stressed. If you’re tired, cranky, and resentful because you are doing things for everyone besides yourself, what are you teaching your children about life?”
Q: How can I learn to say no?
A: Women are yes-people, because they worry about hurting or disappointing someone who matters to them. “Relationships are very important to women. We build the ties that our families, communities, and cultures couldn’t survive without,” says Nanette Gartrell, MD, author of My Answer is No … If That’s OK With You: How Women Can Say No and (Still) Feel Good About It. “The last thing we want to do is disrupt a connection by saying no.”
But there is a way to be better prepared to say no, even in the most complicated circumstances: Make a list of your priorities and say yes only to the people and tasks on the list—don’t waver; stick to the list. “That will give you the time and energy to say yes to the people who matter to you, including yourself,” Dr. Gartrell says.
Q: My boss BlackBerries me late at night and expects answers by morning. What can I do to keep her happy and keep my sanity?
A: As long as you reply to her emails by 9:30 a.m. (a reasonable time to respond after dropping the kids off or running to the gym), you’re in fair-game territory, says Penelope Trunk, author of Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success. “You have to set limits with your boss. After all, your boss doesn’t own your life—you do,” she says. If you’re a high achiever, your boss shouldn’t flinch when you set limits. And if you’re not the office MVP, consider that it may be because you don’t set limits. “This moment of pushing back may seem like a career-limiting move, but it might actually open things up,” Trunk says. “Strong performers have bosses who respect their boundaries. You can’t be that until you demand it.”
By Gretchen Roberts
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It’s common sense, really. Being aware of the moment has a slew of physical and emotional health benefits, from lowering your stress levels and negative emotions to boosting your immune system. Why, then, is it so hard for the average woman to slow down and tune in to the here and now? Read More
These two spas aren’t technically in the U.S., but our experts deemed them outstanding enough for honorable mention. Bonus: They’re both excellent values. Read More
If you’ve ever experienced the tension-melting effect of stepping into a spa resort, you know the feeling of being primed for a sense of well-being. It’s no accident. Spas place tremendous importance on orchestrating the perfect entry. “We use whatever sensory cues we can to get each visitor to leave her stress outside,” says Mike McAdams, the owner and designer of the ultraluxurious Lake Austin Spa Resort in Austin, Texas. By the time you get to the front desk, you’ve left your stressed-out self somewhere between the rock garden and the fountain.
That’s the way you should feel when you walk into your own home. “The trick is staging that moment,” says Cary Collier, principal of Blu Spas and Collier and Collier Spas, part of the award-winning design team behind the Four Seasons at Bali, Alvorada Spa at Royal Palms Resort and Spa in Phoenix, and others. “It’s about thinking beyond how your room looks and paying more attention to how it makes you feel.” Try these smart staging techniques at home to set the scene for relaxation.
Make an entrance: While you can’t necessarily create a winding path or rock garden this minute, tonight—or ever—you can choose to enter your home through the most positive, uplifting route possible. If entering through the jam-packed garage gives you a headache, screen off some of the most offensive junk or come in through the front door instead.
Calm the clutter: The entries into our homes are places where we dump things—mail, shoes, umbrellas. “That chaos creates an immediate sense of being overwhelmed and buried by your life,” says Anne McCall Wilson, vice president of Spas Fairmont Raffles Hotels International. Instead of letting those subtle and not-so-subtle stressors hit you at the door, hide them in baskets or drawers.
Light up your life: “Two of the most common mistakes I see in entry halls are that they’re either too dark or too harshly lit—because of a big overhead fixture,” Collier says. “The most soothing lighting tends to be a combination of ambient and overhead.”
McAdams agrees. “If you do nothing else, just layering the light with lamps or sconces can make a room so much warmer and more inviting.” A simple solution: Invest in a dimmer switch and add a table lamp to your foyer.
Enter gently: After a long day at work, it’s easy to barge into the house like a grump. But spa counselors, who are trained to create a caring, relaxing atmosphere, suggest you rethink that approach. Don’t walk in barking orders at your kids or husband, or you’ll add to your stress,” says Robbie Hudson, spa director at Lake Austin Spa Resort in Austin, Texas. “Instead, the first thing you should do, no matter where you’re rushing to or how crazy your day was, is to take the time to greet your family members individually. That warm behavior can cause a positive ripple effect.”
Treat your senses: You don’t have to buy one of those tabletop water fountains (we promise!) to create a more soothing ambiance. “But the more you can engage your five senses in a positive way and eliminate any sensory disturbances, the more relaxing your reentry is going to be,” McAdams says.
Here, a few suggestions. Add a cushy rug to absorb some of the echo effect of hardwood floors. Bring in fresh flowers or a flowering plant (that doesn’t need to be replaced weekly) for a pleasant aroma. Or introduce some kind of natural texture (unfinished wood, metal, stone) “so everything’s not hard and slick,” McAdams says. These subtle-but-soothing sensory cues will send a subliminal signal that’ll help you calm down.
By Christine Fellingham
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