Although it may have been Jon and Kate Gosselin’s unusual family that landed them a reality show, it is their marital problems—to which much of their audience can likely relate—that have made them a household name in recent weeks.
During the previous four seasons of TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus Eight, the couple has bickered, eye-rolled, and jabbed its way through adventures in rearing now 9-year-old twins and now 5-year-old sextuplets. In this past Monday’s record-breaking fifth-season premiere (9.8 million viewers), Jon and Kate finally addressed the very topic that has kept them on tabloid covers for weeks: Their marriage is on the rocks.
(Update: Kate Gosselin filed for divorce on June 22.)
Even without the stress of eight children, rolling cameras, and public scrutiny, all couples encounter tension in their relationships. Below, five trigger points that have tested Jon and Kate in their reality-TV run—and how to make sure the same stressors don’t take a toll on your relationship.
Stress trigger No. 1: A growing family
Whether you’re bringing home one new baby or six, expanding your brood requires adjustment.
Sleep deprivation can trigger depression and anxiety, says Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin. New moms are also at risk for postpartum depression, and both parents will likely feel stretched for time.
Then there’s the issue of intimacy, which will undoubtedly be affected with children in the house. “Sex lives of people who have children are worse—there’s data to prove it,” says Andrew Goldstein, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the author of Reclaiming Desire. “But a relationship is not like a job where you just have to accomplish what is necessary; you can’t just put it on autopilot.”
Smart solutions: Couples need to work together to find creative ways to support and appreciate each other through this transition.
- Adjust sleep schedules so that one partner sleeps while the other is awake with the baby.
- When possible, get a friend or relative to occasionally help out at night so mom and dad have some time to cultivate their relationship one-on-one. Especially as kids get older, make sure they understand that mom and dad need time to themselves.
- Be aware of the signs of postpartum depression like appetite changes, trouble concentrating, loss of energy, and hopelessness.
- Make activities that promote mental health—such as exercise and social time—a top priority.
Next page: Career changes and intrusive in-laws
Comments (11)
If your going to have a family with lots of children its better to space them out. Of course If you have lots of kids back to back your love life will be strenuous.
What if you didn’t have this choice like they didn’t? I don’t think they ever thought their lives were going to be a piece of cake after children… who does? Multiples definitely add more stress, and I can only imagine how much more with higher order multiples.
Perhaps she could wash her mouth out now & then, Kate that is. I am a counsellor I see many couples who JOKINGLY Banter with each other, It NEVER works, someone always takes umbridge and gets insulted. Treat others as you wish to be treated means a lot, yes, kids, sleep deprivation all adds up, but how come many, couples cope? It’s how the couple get on and they BOTH insult each other, but from all the programmes I’ve seen, she goes too far, more often that he does.
You took the words right out of my mouth!! I agree 100 percent, I actually felt sorry for Jon many times.
As public as they have made their lives, it is still something very private that they are dealing with and something that the public should stay out of. Regardless of what we see on TV (ever wonder if what is shown is for the ratings???? I do) they have the right to privately deal with this situation. Even though I am a fairly avid watcher of their show (as a mom of multiples it is fascinating to watch), I know that after all is said and done they are just another family dealing with the issues that all of us face. I personally hope they can work out their problems and avoid a divorce.
Kate does not know anything about marriage and is acting as if she is the husband! Jon needs to remind her of her ROLE/PLACE/DUTIES in this marriage and allow Jesus Christ to intervene!
Wow, that sounds pretty judgemental. I don’t agree that anything she or Jon has done shows that they don’t know anything about marriage. It also seems as if you are placing your beliefs on others. Most couples believe in equality these days and not that the husband is above his wife. Sure wouldn’t fly in my casa…with me OR my husband.
What idiots would allow their life to be view by the public in the first place. Whatever happens, don’t you think they deserve it? It must be the money, hope they feel it’s worth the destruction and pain. Reality sucks, and public exhibition is for suckers!
I would add: Don’t marry before the age of 30. All of my friends that got into a serious relationship in their 20’s have not lasted in their 30’s.
Actually I think they have bigger problems. I think Kate is beyond a control freak, meaning she may have a personality disorder that is usually incurable and very difficult to treat. Counseling would definitely help the two of them, but I see no love in that relationship. I have rarely witnesses a tender moment between the two of them. I feel badly for the children.
It is a very sad thing to see a family falling apart before your very eyes, and on national television non the less! My opinion is that any strong marraige is based not only on love, but mutual respect for each others thoughts, and feelings. I think Kate was at times controlling, the old “my way or the highway”, but at the same time time Jon was very immature, and failed to “step-up” in light of the increased responsibilities of so many children. To say they were overwhelmed is an understatement! I really wish they had stepped back from the limelight to re-prioritize, but ultimately, they know their own hearts, and will have to live with the consequences…as will their 8 children.