From Health magazine
After years of struggling with repeated miscarriages and fertility treatments, including in vitro fertilization (IVF), Joanna Brody was thrilled when she finally conceived on her own at the age of 43—even considering the increased risk of health problems associated with pregnancy after age 40. Still, the former marathon runner was in good health and exercised throughout her pregnancy, which was uneventful.
But two days after returning home from the hospital after her daughter’s birth (she also had a 6-month-old adopted son), she woke up feeling like she couldn’t breathe. “I thought I was having a panic attack due to the stress of taking care of two infants while building a new home,” Brody, now 45, recalls.
The next day, when she couldn’t catch her breath walking up a flight of stairs, she rushed to the emergency room. There, doctors discovered that her lungs were filled with fluid, a sign of peripartum cardiomyopathy, a potentially fatal condition that occurs when there’s damage to the heart, resulting in a weakened heart muscle that can’t pump blood efficiently. While it occurs in only about 1 in every 1,300 deliveries, it’s most common in older women, especially those, like Brody, who are over the age of 40.
The number of women giving birth into their 40s and 50s and beyond is at record highs, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In 2007, 105,071 women aged 40-44 gave birth, the highest rate since 1968; the birth rate for women 45 to 54 was 7,349, an increase of 5% in just one year.
“The numbers have really skyrocketed over the last two decades, as research has increasingly shown that older women are able to carry pregnancies and deliver babies safely,” says Mark Sauer, MD, chief of reproductive endocrinology at Columbia University Medical Center and a leading researcher in this field.
Next page: Success stories
Comments (136)
Iam a 47 yearvold women suffering from diabetes and is desparate to have kids but I have been recommended for IVF and pregenancy by egg donation will that be successful or will i have problems
better adopt a child. there is no point risking life and post complications
Jane,
I didn’t marry until I was in my mid 30’s, and did I have my son until I was 37. It wasn’t because I was selfish or any other reason that you people suggest or think. People just don’t get married as early as our parents did in the 60’s or 50’s. Therefore, we women establish ourselves in the work force successfully and obtain post graduate degrees. Having children late in life was not a choice for me and I’m sure it’s not for many others. I feel, well I know that I’m a better mom now than I would have been in my 20’s. I’m settled mentally and emotionally, financially secure, and I don’t desire to hang out and do the things many people feel they missed out on because they started having babies and married (the whole package) in their 20’s or earlier. I’m 40 going on 41 with 2 young toddlers, I have and abundance of energy and patience as an older adult. Everyone is different. Therefore, it might be a little harsh to say we shouldn’t wait to have babies later in life. Many of us women didn’t have a choice.
I totally agree. There is little choice for women in the USA. In Europe you can have the same career as men, get pregnant, take a maternity leave (a year on average) and then go back to work. Here you have to choose among the next options: 1) have a child earlier and become a stay-at-home mom ( not everybody can afford that, it is tough mentally and emotionally, it is a complete misuse of education/ potential/ talent) 2) have children earlier or in your 30s, continue working and have them in day care/ with nannies (this is what we do, my heart bleeds for my baby but we can`t afford for me to stay at home 3) make a career, save money and have a child later in life (down side – health issues and the fact that parents will be old than a child is a teenager, plus side – financial stability and having a mother to raise a child.) There are more of positive and negative side to each of those options but I don`t think choosing one or another makes you more or less moral.
Where are the studies on how children do when their parents are in their 50s or 60s when they hit teenage? Talk about an age gap!
So your emotionally and financially secure but completely out of touch because the world you grew up hasn’t existed in half a century? Raising a child is a 30 year investment if you really intend to do it right. The role of a parent doesn’t stop when they can feed and dress themselves. Young people need guidance as they start to make it on their own and how can you do that from the nursing home or the grave?
Sure accidents happen and children are left parentless at far too young an age, but that’s why they call it a tragedy. Having kids this late in life is planning to put them through it weather we want to face it or not.
People feel it is their right to be able to do what ever they want and if science allow it then damn the rest of society. We all have choices in life. If someone decides to make a career a priority they should have to give up having a child. If a father decides to work all the time while their kids are growing up they will miss it and never get that chance again.
If your biology decided you can’t have a kid in your 20s or 30s then we will weep with you just like we do with people who’s biology gives them cancer or some other life ended condition. A young person should not be punished as a result.
Life is not fair. Never has been, never will be.
If people thought about the well being of the child first we would not be having this discussion.
As a woman who had her second child at 41, I TOTALLY disagree with your statements that woman who have kids at a later age are selfish. My son is perfectly healthy and I am perfectly healthly. People can die at any age and for you to suggest that a woman who has kids at an older age are selfish is just TOTALLY absurd. Sometimes life just happens that way … time to wake up and realize that it’s not the 1920’s.
I agree 100%. I find women who are “desperate” to have a kid, or really want a kid (and I know of one who had one after 16 years of marriage – why didn’t they have one earlier? It wasn’t a fertility issue. She didn’t have a career. And, he’s 16 years older than her.) do so because they just don’t have anything else in their lives. I am 46 years old, do not have children, and won’t have any. I have had parents say to me, “oh you can do this or that since you don’t have children.” Yea, that’s right. You made the decision to have those kids, conscience or not. I made the conscience decision to not have children. And, I have studied, worked on a masters, lived a few places, done some other things. Find something else to make your own life rewarding. Wanting to “have a baby” and doing whatever it takes to have it, and thinking about it all the time, is really an excuse for not having anything else in your life to focus on. This country should start rewarding those of us who make the conscience decision to not be so “family oriented” and, instead, want to be productive, educated, and talented members of the workforce we need today.
STEVE – do you feel the same about “men” like Mel Gibson and Donald Trump? 50’s and 60’s having babies too? or are you just a hypocrite..?
Steve – do you have children, if so how many, at what age did you and your wife have them? If they are adult are they responsible contributing members of society? All that can be done if you are an “older” parent….
Excuse me steve that was a an un-called for opinion.
I am a 19 year old with a one year old.
My mum is 42 and 4 months pregnant.
And my sister is 23 and unable to have children.
So personally I have experienced all 3!
I was an 18 year old mother and it was very hard but I love it.
My mum has 3 kids and pregnant and she is struggling but is very excited.
My sister is bitter and angry.
Why should anyone, let alone a stranger, get to judge someone else for wanting to satisfy their nuturing side. As long as they know what they’re in for and have the support needed, it’s their decision!
I say good on you!
Hi Steve,
I understand your concerns, but want to say, as a child born to a father who turned 60 the day after by birth, that age need not be a factor. My dad retired the year after I was born and was basically the best father one could wish for. He was involved in many of my school activities, came to every sports carnival, coached my brother’s soccer team, and I would say, thoroughly enjoyed the experience of raising 3 children. We all went to university, and have good lives because of his love, support, encouragement and involvement. I loved him dearly. Naturally we had challenges when we were teenagers – for eg I remember not wanting him to attend school functions because he was so old and people who didn’t know thought he was my grandad. But you know, I had friends who didn’t want their parents to attend because they didn’t dress the right way, talk the right way, or were somehow otherwise embarrassing. That is teenager-hood. Your peers are more important than your folks. You want to fit in. That’s life. My dad understood, he let go of some things and held his ground on the important stuff. And the values he taught us were as relevant when he was a child as they are today. Unfortunately he died when I was 18 – he lived to 78 – and I grieved as any child who loses a parent would.
If you asked me would I rather have had a dad (like my partner’s) who was young and hip but worked long hours to support the family, worried about finances and saw his kids mostly on weekends, or a dad like mine who maybe couldn’t run around like other dad’s and was older and sometimes out of touch, but who was basically always available – if you asked me which would I personally prefer – I would say my dad any day. I have rich and wonderful memories of my childhood that involve my dad because he was there for me. I don’t deny that there are downsides of having an older parent, for instance I would have loved him to be around now and to have seen important milestones in my life. But there are always pros and cons and it is all about how you look at it. I know other people who had older parents, and they feel similarly positive about it as I do. I know people who had older parents who feel quite differently to me. The same goes for people who had younger parents. It is about the parenting and the quality of it, not the age.
By the way, I haven’t mentioned my mum, but she was 30 years younger than my dad. She worked from when we were in our late primary years because she wanted to, and was a good mum to us as well, but she says she found raising 3 children highly stressful. I love her dearly too, but focus on my dad because it is age that you raise as an issue.
I hope this gives you some insight into how people who have older parents might actually feel about it. It’s not the same for everyone, of course, but it really doesn’t have a lot to do with age.
The other thing is – my dad fought in several wars, including world war II, and his first wife ran off while he was away – something that my relatives told me devastated him and took him a long time to recover from. I don’t judge him for having had us late in his life, or for not quitting work and focussing on finding a woman, or not jumping into a relationship before he was emotionally ready just to have children for the sake of having children when younger.
I guess most importantly, please don’t assume that those of us who have had older parents have been punished in some way – we haven’t. That is an incredible assumption. We have been given the gift of life, to make what we want of it, like anyone else. And personally, I am really grateful for mine, and thankful that my old dad gave it to me. :)
to be fair to your children, don’t wait so late in life to have a child. It’s unfair to the child that sometimes you can’t be as active with them, and that they may have to worry about long term care for their parents when they graduate from college! Instead of being so self centered, think about the child. If you feel the need to mother, there are foster kids and babies that need care, kids that people just throw away…help some of them.
Jane, and others, please remember that many of these women didn’t “wait” to have a child. Many have been trying for years and years, undergoing stressful and expensive fertility treatments that didn’t work. I know women who have tried for 10 or more years to get pregnant, growing older every day. It’s not a happy place to be.
Yes, adoption is a wonderful option. But there’s a supply and demand issue that few people know about: far more people wish to adopt than there are available healthy babies. And not everyone is able to take on a child with physical or emotional needs. Plus, adoption is expensive – $40,000+ whether you go international or domestic, and it can take several years. If a woman is in her 40s and wants kids, having one through infertility treatment is a faster and more affordable way to go.
Whoa! Just because it took years to conceive doesnt absolve the parents of their duty to think about the child. What will cost more in the long run: a child who in college has to bury his parents or otherwise find the time and money to put his parents in constant care nursing home? That is just wrong. In the end maybe kids are not going to happen for you. Nature doesnt guarantee you will have kids, and yes you should have started in the your late 20’s. Technology has changed, but not much about nature.
Nature doesnt give any guarantees to any child about how long they will have their parents or in what state of health. What is selfish is having a child when as a parent you are not prepared to give that child the absolute priority in your life – to give him/her unconditional love and as healthy and stable an environment as possible – at whatever age. I am much more shocked by women having 4,5,6,7,8 children at once through IVF then by a woman having a child in her 40’s.
What about people who have children who are not healthy – obesity, diabetes, mental instability? If there were rules for people who can’t have children we wouldn’t have 16 year olds, people with health issues or women over 40 having children. What about people who have children and divorce shortly afterwards? Can we take their children back ecasue they made decisions that ultimately were unfair to their children? Strange thinking by limiting your judgements to women over 40. Hope you all realize it is discriminatory and flawed thinking.
I think it is ridiculous to compare proper child raising to the age of a parent to whom is older. People seem to think mid 30’s and 40’s for having a child is ancient and that the child will not be raised properly due to an upcoming death of a parent while the child is in their teens and 20’s? Ha ha You have got to be kidding me! I do not have enough friends with fingers and toes to count how many children out there are placed in the states care or in the hands of other family members because both parents died in an accident, due to murder or to a health related cause at the “youthful” age of 20 and 30. Please. Humans are living longer today than years ago as technology and medicine advances. I refused to believe having babies at 30 and 40+ years of age is a sour reflection of the child’s up bringing. Being told having a baby young in your 20’s is the best, is so “text book”. Knock knock….come over to the reality side. The perspective on life is much clearer over here. Ha ha
This is always the same argument and one I don’t agree…since I tried to conceive AFTER 40. I would make a much better parent today than when in my 20’s or 30’s. I am financially stable (I don’t have to work), so therefore my children would not be raised by the day care system. The younger mothers I know have parties and concerts as their #1 priorities. Grandparents are taking care of the kids more than the parents. I am more active today than 20 years ago. I am even healthier! But sadly I have not been blessed. Good luck to all the 40+ mothers! I would give anything to hold my own baby.
Pie,
Stay prayerful. It can happen and will happen. It took me a long time to have a baby and I was getting close to 40 years of age. I did fertility shots with repronex and and IUI. After the 3rd attempt we got pregnant.
Pie,
I had my son when I was 23 going on 24 and no regrets. Because of him I was able to get my life together sooner that I expected. I don’t go out partying every weekend and get wasted. I got my master degree when he was 3 and I have a great job. I am not an executive or a boss, but I am very content with where I am. My mom helps babysit him 2 days a week on her days off from work so that saves me babysitting money. My family travels a lot and I rather spend my money seeing the world rather than at a fertility clinic.
Jane,
I know to many ‘kids’ that aren’t waiting long enough to have children and the babies are sufforing because the parents are too young and aren’t settled financially or intellectually. At least older parents usually have money, time and paitents for their kids. Plus, how old are you that you think a 50 year old can’t play with children?? I know quite a few 50 year olds that can keep up (a lot of coaches are that old!) Not to mention I don’t know any self-centered “good” parents. One more thing, so are you telling me if you accidentally got pregnant when you were older you’d automatically abort, rather than be so self-centered as to raise the child?
You need to watch and talk to some older parents!
Having a baby in your 40’s does not make you an ancient parent!!! I had babies at 36 and at 40, perfect pregnancies, and I didn’t need a walker for me to keep up with them! They are now 12 and 16, and I have done just fine keeping up with them. The only problem we have seen is menopause and puberty hitting at the same time….no one thinks of that! But wer are getting through that too.
What a great observation about menopause and puberty. I had my first child at 27 and then had 8 years of “Secondary” infertility. My personal choice was to not pursue fertility options. I then had 2 more children at 36 and 37 with no complications. I am, however, going through menopause while they are going through puberty. Not a pretty sight but we manage to cope. Thanks for bringing up that subject. And, I am a much better parent to my two younger children than the older one…even though I am 50.
@ Jane……..
That is the dumbest post i have read in a long time! How is giving birth vs. fostering any different?? YOUR STILL THE SAME AGE! Ignorant!
Did you ever stop to think that some people don’t meet their mate when they’re “young”?! I was going on 26 when I met my husband and 27 when we got married. I will be in my 30s when I get to have kids. I wish it were sooner, but there are just some things you don’t have control over in life.
i agree with jade. i am over 40, and a first time mother. i married late (just didnt find someone until later in life), and we wanted to have children, and had my son when i was 40. My son is our blessing and joy. I experienced my share of problems (I am diabetic and I had placenta previa, had to be on bed rest twice, and had high blood pressure), but I received excellent care from my doctors. Do I want to have more children? Absolutely. Is it likely that we will try to have more? I dont know. My doctor had said the risk is too high. But I wouldnt trade motherhood for anything else.
I did not meet my husband until I was 40! I had a few wonderful, long-term relationships before but you know how so many men are…they string you along for a while but ultimately they don’t want to “commit.” They don’t want to “lose their freedom.” They are still waiting for their perfect supermodel trophy wife. And many simply have no interest in having children ever. It is hard to find the right man who will be a loving husband AND is enthusiastic about having children. For me it was worth the wait. Now I will take the best care of my health as possible and pray to God that I will be able to have a safe pregnancy and healthy baby.
Jeez people – mellow out. Having a baby is not like buying a car. Most often, the VAST amjority of children, happen when they happen – they are not PLANNED and when they happen they should always be accepted as the gift they are. Period. End of discussion. Be gentle…
I agree that there are plenty of unwanted children out there who need a loving, stable environment. However, some women have a strong need to create their own children, and rightfully so. I would rather hear of a woman having a baby in her 40’s than hear about a woman who aborted her child.
Selfish huh? Unlike all the teenage and young latina women with 3 and 4 kids getting free helath care!
These women are selfish and want to prolong the power they have thru their careers. When a kid is 18 the mom would be in late 50’s early 60’s, not fair. The cycle of life is not meant to serve man, but, man to abide by its rules.
Mike, if you look at your history books you will see that before the advent of modern medical interventions such as birth control pills, clinical abortions etc “the cycle of life” naturally consisted of women having pregnancies from the date of marriage (as young as 14 or 15 years old) well into their 40s and sometimes in their 50s. In fact, women spent most of their adult lives in a cycle of pregnancy and postpartum recovery. Whether or not the babies survived is beside the point — this is what the “cycle of life” consisted of. Your construction of what is “fair” or “not fair” for children bears no relation to the naturally unfolding cycle of life.
Same old story. Women are blamed if they don’t have children, if they have them too late or too early, or if they have them and “don’t raise them well”. No matter what you do, if you are a woman, you will be judged, by men and by other women. Let people do what they want with their lives. People have been having children in their 40s for centuries, when the life expectancy was much lower. Parents that have children at the “right age” can die young and live less time with their children than older parents that get to live longer. Life is tough and unpredictable. Live and let live.
Mike- Your post is ignorant and reveals your own poor upbringing. There is no reason why a mom in her 50’s or 60’s is worse than a young mother, many of whom are immature and have babies to collect welfare or through lack of planning. Most older woman have the financial means, intelligence, emotional stability and energy to take great care of their children. I bet if a study were done we would find that these children will grow up to be happy, successful, and educated adults. Very unlike the neglected children of young and uninterested mothers. (We see them misbehaving in the stores and no that is not how they should act) The age of the mother is unimportant, it is the quality of the upbringing and love and nurturing of the child which is most important.
Pie, I completely agree with your comments – I was blessed to have a baby at 47 and as you said, I did not plan on waiting this long. I did not get married until I was 42 and then it took 5 long years to try to conceive. I wish you the best – you deserve to have a baby of your own. And I CAN keep up with her even at my age!! I feel we’re much better parents now and again, we did not plan to take this long to have a baby!!
As for Mike, your reply isn’t even worth commenting on.
I had a singleton at 39 and twins at 41 after years and years of trying. My husband and I travel the world with our 3 toddlers and my husband has left a lucrative job to be a stay-at-home-dad. The pregnancies were without incidents, all to full-term and the twins were 6 lbs each! My husband and I are very different people than we were in our 20’s and we are glad it happened when it did. And yes, even now, at the ripe old age of 43, I am quite able to keep up with all 3, thank you very much.
These OLD COWS are horribly selfish. When that poor child graduates High School. They might have to put off college, children and a home because their mother needs medical care HOW UGLY TO STEAL YOUR OWN CHILD’S LIFE…..
An older mother can afford a life insurance policy to protect her offspring in the event of her untimely demise. It is you who are ugly and obviously raised in a dreadful family to be so mean and hateful to kind and caring mothers who are of course protecting their offspring. No doubt better than you are protecting yours.
WOMEN OVER 40 PLEASE READ!!!
Before you decide to bring a life into the world, think about the baby’s future before you consider your desperate last minute need for this baby!!
My mother was 41 when I was born, she died at 73, when I was 32. I will now spend over 1/2 my life without a mother, nor an extended family. There is not one single day that I still wish she was here to share the prime of my life with..I miss her teribly.
If you are over 40…make sure you are having a baby for the right reasons. Don’t cheat your child out of a mother…it really sucks!!!!
George, I am sorry to hear about your mother. my mother gave birth to me in her 20’s and died unexpectadly when I was in my 30’s. There are no guarantees of long life for any parents. And, in fact, in the case of multiples, more young mothers have severe complications, including death, during child birth than mothers in their late 30’s or older….
Cheryl,
I could not agree more with you!
I lost my father at age 52 when I was only 18. My parents did everything right… married at 20s, 4 kids by age 30 … all well planned and executed. I am 49 years old and I have two beautiful daughters at age 11 and 16 months!! I am planning to be here for them for a long time, may be as long as my two grandmothers were around me until they sadly die at age 94 and 95…
Never give up your dreams of being a mother…
Maria
My father was 22 when I was born. He died when I was 35. I see what you’re saying but it can happen anyway. Unfortunately, life can only be planned so much. You have to roll with the punches. What works for one person may not work for the other. With good health, you can balance practical concerns with emotion driven desires. It can work. I’m sure not everyone who falls in love punches all the data into a computer to figure out if they should proceed ….. The bottom line is that maybe children for 40+ women works for some and is the right choice.
George…my, what poorly thought out comments. Death of one’s mother knows no specific age boundaries as far as anyone can tell. I am very sorry for your loss–being without one’s mother is tough at any age. However, my own mother died at the ripe old age of 39 when I was but 18 years old and a senior in college (I’ll let your brain rumenate on that one for a sec). She and my father were wed at 18 & I was born when they were 19.
I married at 3 weeks shy of 30 to my husband (who is 2 1/2 yrs younger). We struggled for years to conceive. Our first son was born when I was 33, our second son when I was 36, and at 3 months shy of me turning 40, we’re just now contemplating trying for a 3rd.
According to your standard, my mother should still be here & I should be dead. Perhaps we’ll leave the specifics of birth & death to the Creator of Life Himself….
I’m very sorry for your loss. I agree, losing a mother AT ANY age is awful. My mother had me right after she married at age 19 – she died when she was 47 from cancer. There are no guarantees in life. I’ve had to live the last 12 years without my mother but look forward to having my first child at 40. I hope to live to see my grandchildren if God sees fit for it to happen.
My mother had me when she was 25 and died when I was 35 from lung cancer due to smoking (which I consider more selfish than almost anything mentioned here). I miss her every day and wish she could meet her beautiful granddaughter who is like her in so many ways.
I had my daughter when I was 40 and am a patient (mostly), loving parent preparing her to be a strong healthy loving self-sufficient person in the world, whether or not I can be by her side all the way through. Today’s parents take better care of their health towards the goal of living a long and functional life. You’re only a burden on your child if you can’t take care of yourself and that’s not an inevitable fate but a choice born of habit and self-care.
Age is, indeed, just a number and it is a blessing and a gift to become a parent by any means at any age.
I find it very interesting that most of the negative posts about older parents are placed by men. I think that you can make the best of any situation. I had older parents and had a wonderful childhood and wonderful life. The bottom line is that the decision should be up to the mother and father!
would you rather she aborted you?
GEORGE, PLEASE READ!
By your post you are at least 32 or older. What on earth makes you think you are only “halfway” through your life? You could die tomorrow, next week, next year. You should appreciate that your mother gave you life at all.
You had 32 years with her, so grow up and live your own life. Millions of mothers die each year at a “young age” with babies or small children.
Nothing is guaranteed. Maybe you should take some time to educate yourself and not blame others for your miserable life.
George, that is sad about your mother. I have friends who have also lost parents AND siblings at an early age and it is s difficult thing. Do you give the same advice to men? How old is acceptable for the father? Mine was 40 when I was born. He’s still kickin’ thank God. But no one can predict the age of their parents’ death. The gift of life is something we need to treasure and need to quit worrying so much about clocks and calendars. And to the men who keep responding with their wisdom and “rules” for women – let’s impose the exact same rules on men, too, then. How about it – a man shouldn’t have kids after 30, either!!
So, I guess that you would have rather not been born?
It’s amazing how judgemental people can be. Please let other people make their own decisions. Are you all the perfect parents?
Thank for saying this, SB. The anger, criticism and self-righteousness of some of the young-mothers-only advocates is horrible. There are no rulebooks for this stuff — everyone’s situation is unique. Show a little love, people.
So, George, you’d rather that you not have been born? That’s really sad.
Thanks for putting words in my mouth that did didn’t say!!?!?!? There are many reasons for women having children in the 40’s….however if the reason is for their own selfish endeavour to fix other problems (such as a failed marriage, or a mid-life crisis), they need to think about the future of the baby.
What was your mother’s reason for having you? Do you judge her for being so selfish?
I have yet to meet an over 40 year old woman that has kids for selfish reasons. What I consider selfish is mothers or fathers at any age that conceive children and than abuse them or do drugs and neglect them. Oh, wait mostly those things happen with young parents. It seems that the “old” parents appreciate their children and actually knoiw what they get themselves into and don’t indulge in selfish behavior.
in response to Jane….sometimes life doesn’t always work out as planned or as it is portrayed on television…as many women today my adopted mother could not bear children so lucky for me I was adopted at birth back in the 60’s by loving parents in their 50’s (at the time) so I beg to differ…active or not I did not miss one ounce of growing up with a wonderful childhood by 2 people that only God could have sent and that loved me unconditionally…and yes I was fortunate enough to become my mother’s caretaker for a number of years and I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the money in the world…I consider myself extremely blessed!!…you see sometimes things happen for a reason…and if not for me being a part of her life she would have spent her last days all alone…now as a woman in my 40’s without children I too have a choice…whether it be adoption…test tube…whatever….it’s never too late to give out the one thing that has no limitations….and that’s LOVE…remember with age comes wisdom…hopefully someone will be kind enough to take care of you…cause I promise if you live long enough you too will need some help…remember this: ‘There are 4 types of people in the world; those who have been caregivers – those who are currently caregivers – those who will be caregivers – and those who will need caregivers.’
Babies after Forty…are you kidding? Why? Your kid needs a young vibrant mother to saty up with them. Its too dangerous, your patience is shot to heck and a kid doesn’t need a senior citizen to take them to the movies….then again you can get the discount. Don’t do it. Don’t use the excuse of “were better financially prepared or we have more patience and focus.” God will give you what you need. Just pary about it.
My grandmother outlived her son by 4 yeas. He died in his 70s from old age. This is not natural to see your children grow old and die from old age. It’s natural to outlive your parents not the other way around.
Givemeabreak, so… if G-d gave me a baby at the age of 43, was it not His will? Should I go against His will and abort? Is it not his will to give life (through extrodinary means if necessary) or to take it away? Even with human help with modern medicine isn’t it still His choice to grant that spark of life? Your whole comment was laughable.
Marci, God sees to it all and no you should not have an abortion…that’s the last thing you should do. But, just because you might be able to have one doesn’t mean that you should try. Eat right, stay healthy and do what you can to keep up with your child. They need all the love and energy you can give them. At 43 and having a baby, your situation is laughable…but not impossible..just pray.
Archana, I wish you well in your decision to have a child at 47. I do not agree with most of the reasoning of the nay-sayers myself. My personal resources on the subject are: My mother had my brother at 44, he and I are 18 years apart. My best friend at 35 had in vetro to have her daughter. I am now 39 and facing the decision if I want to attempt to have a child also. Some important things you need to be honest with yourself about : Am I having this child to make me happy? Do I think the baby will fill some void in my life? Can I afford to provide for my child’s future? Do I have support, extended family or friends that will be involved? Same questions any potential mother should ask.
Having children is a blessing but it is also a sacrifice. If you are not happy now, a child will only bring more stress and frustration that you will have to work through. Mothers worry about their children for the rest of their lives. Did I do the best for them? Are they safe? Are they happy? The trade off is unconditional love of course, but that is only until they are teenagers and can begin blaming you for all their problems…lol. I don’t know you but I’d guess you look younger than your friends with children also. Worry causes stress. Just try to spend as much time as you can with other people’s children of all ages to make sure you know what you’re getting into. Volunteer at a day care or school. Women don’t consider sometimes what they will be giving up, things like independence and freedom…peace. That being said, I still think it would be worth it.
Adopt a dog from a shelter.
Too many people having too many babies. Stop it now!
Haha! I agree JayKay, from one dog-lover to another. Babies are overrated. Get a puppy! :-)
That is a reallt stupid comment JayKay – adopt a dog??? You are right of course if you mean that not everybody should have children (like you for example). I rather talk to my THREE (gasp!!!) children than a dog anytime. They also look better in cloth.
Adopt a dog from a shelter.
I see the argument from both sides, but here’s my take.
Is having a baby over 40 selfish? I believe so, my mother who happens to be 58 (I’m 28). She is too old to be physical with my 2 year old son. Just the other day we were visiting and she had to “take a break” from playing baseball (she’s 4′11” 110lbs so not over weight), not to mention, I would be suprised if she didn’t struggle to carry him up a flight of stairs.
One of the points brought up was you’re more financially prepaired and can avoid day care. Will I make much more when I’m 40? Absolutely, but I make 80k/year now and we are doing just fine with my wife as a stay at home mom.
That said, the pro 40 arguement in my opinion is for women who don’t find a husband until later in life, but even then, it should not delay past 45. I have memories of how my dad couldn’t throw a hardball with me as a Teen because of rotator cuff problems and a bad back which he didn’t have earlier in life. It was depressing, and I wish he had been more able. Not to mention the teasing I had as a child because I had the “old/out of touch parents”.
I don’t doubt there are certain exceptions, but when forming an opinion you cannot look to excceptions for validation.
Aaron,
How lucky for you that in this economy you are very well off finacially and have the perfect family at the perfect time. You are very lucky indeed. Sorry that you hold it against your parents that they had you late.
I am 45 and havew three active boys (11, 5 and 4 month old). My mom is 72 and she can handle all three just fine. Does she play basketball with them or baseball or running in general???? No, of course not, but she never would have as that is ot her thing. She reads them books, fixes their toys, cooks their favorite foods and just loves them. We leave the sports for after school activity. My oldest son is awesome in volleyball and we all go to his games and cheer him on. Funny enough, I have never heard from my kids that they are being teased about my age or my husbands age – he is 50. They are very happy, well rounded children – and across the (in your opinion) huge age gap, we share something extremly wonderful……unconditional love.
Don’t be mad at your parents for their inability to be as physical with your children as you would like them to be. Be mad at yourself for being so ignorant and delusional that you may not have physical ailments yourself in life. I feel sorry for your kids. They’ll probably be “depressed” later on in life by having such a closeminded, moron for a father :)
Diana, you are funny. I like you.
Aaron,
So sorry for your dad…if all you could see in him then and even now, is someone who could not play baseball…
Oh and just to comment on Coral’s post…
No one should have a child to fix anything in their life, if they aren’t stable, not only will a child not fix the problem, philosophically, you’re having children for the wrong reasons. Parents who are “dependant” on their children as a source of happiness are pathetic at best and destructive to the very lives they claim to love.
Happiness is a state of mind, you either have it or you don’t, and imparting that state of mind on your children is imperative to their development in so many ways.
Think we could do with less judgement of this issue. Personally I wouldn’t have wanted to give birth at 40+ but I have no right to dictate to others on their life choices.
AS to the issue of older parenting, many grandparents are raising children now. Too many “healthy” young women are giving birth to children that they cannot or will not care for.
Don’t think we can make rules that will give us perfect parents or perfect society.
Live and let live, people.
Christine- Amen sister! While I personally would not choose to have a child over a certain age, it doesn’t mean that is the right choice for everyone. Or that is feasible for everyone.
There are good parents at every age, just as there are poor parents at every age. As long as you know the risks and are educated and prepared, do what works for you and your situation. Stop judging others who think/act differently than you.
Man what controversy! I considered myself to be a responsible adult and when I was younger I was careful to practice birth control as I did not want a child out of wed lock. Well it turned out that I didn’t get married until I was 44. I still wanted children but my husband & I decided against my getting pregnant for a number of reasons. The top reasons being the high risk of birth defects for the baby. We felt it would be selfish to bring a child into this world with birth defects when it wasn’t necessary. If I happened to get pregnant then ok, but we were not going to try. There was also the health risk to me. Plus at my age I have / had a 50% chance of miscarriage and I did not want to go through that.
I do not think one age group vs. another makes a better mother. My own mother married in her early 20’s and started a family right away. She was not a very nice mother when I was a child. As an adult it was another matter altogether. She basically had no maternal instincts. And to top it off the poor thing had 7 children she basically raised by herself as my father was always working.
I have a niece who got pregnant as a teenager and she is a wonderful mother. She finished High School and has a good job. I also have a sister who did have a child when she was 42 and her daughter is now 16, a lovely happy teenager. So, I think it all comes down to personal choice. If you really want a child and are willing to take the risks that come with pregnancy when you are over 40 then I say go for it. But you need to go into it with your eyes wide open. It’s a very personal thing and only you can decide if it’s the right one for you.
I had my son at 44 with no fertility of any other treatments. I married at 43 and was pregnant to everyone’ surprise within 6 weeks. My son was 9 lbs, and had a natural birth. The gyn thought he weighed 7.5lbs, so he was born in record time. There is an industry that needs to support itself within the medical community, that emphasizes risks in order to justify treatments and exams. In the orthodox communities, childbirth after 40 is normal. Good luck to those who are willing to live a miracle after 40 and not be induced to skip it from fear.
I agree with you completely!
My Grandmother had her first and only surviving child at age 40 in 1935 — at the height of the Great Depression, after marrying late in life, and in a day when childbirth was far more hazardous than it is now. I’m so glad she did! All her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can call her blessed.
I am amazed how bigoted people are of women over 40. I’m 43, I got pregnant naturally. Most of the posters brought me to tears.
All I can say is you’re wrong, and I don’t understand why you feel I’m a old cow. I love my family and children, but from the general opinion here is lets toss women over 40 in the waist bin, and god forbid they have children, we’re selfish and defective old cows!
Thank you very much!
the only poster that pointed out that she loves her children.
Why are you all not talking about the importance of love???
We are all missing the point to having children.
You women should get a life!!!!
Stop judging other people!!!
There’s way too many mid-life crisis babies these days. “Hey I’m 45, I think I’ll have twins”. It’s sad if you can’t conceive, but once you reach a certain age it’s wise to accept that maybe you don’t need to be in your seventies when your child is in college”
By the time your child gets married and has a grandchild, you might not be alive. And if you are, you’re going to be fragile, possible battling dementia and not have the energy to play with them. That doesn’t sound so appealing does it??
Goo -you are OBVIOUSLY a very immature young person. We will see how your opinions will change once you are 40. How very sad for you to be so ignorant.
My wife and I (who are successful professionals) had our daughter when we were both 24. I think that no matter how old you are, you are never “ready” or “prepared” to be a parent. Being a parent is difficult job no matter what age you are. I think that having children later in life makes things a bit more difficult, but to each their own. My wife and I would never want to have a child in our late 30’s or 40’s, but some people feel that this is best for them. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be in my 50’s or 60’s when my kid is in high school. But like I said earlier, to each their own.
I am awesome
How horribly selfish!!
I married at 22, had my first daughter at 25 and my second at 27. I had placenta previa with my 2nd and ended up hemorrhaging and having an emergency c-section. Complications come at any age. If I had waited to have children, I would not have had any. I had a hysterectomy at 34. My family has always had babies young. My Great grandmother was 16, my grandmother was 16, and my mother was 19 when they had their first children. Consequently, my great grandmother is still alive at the ripe old age of 97! I had the privilege of spending lots of time with her when she was full of life and loads of fun. Not many can say that about their great grandmother, let alone their grandmother. My children will remember their great-great grandmother.
I’m glad my friends are all waiting till their late 30’s because I get to play with the babies. Mine are now 8 and 10. Friends of ours have a 13 year old and a 3 year old. They commented once about how much harder it was to do the up all night routine in their 40’s versus their 30’s. I am thankful that it worked out for me to have my girls in my 20’s. I know that is not the right choice for everyone. If you’re healthy, go for it.
Its amazing how off topic the comments got. The article is discussing the risks involved to the mother and baby with a pregnancy later in life. These are things that need to be considered. Its not an article on whether a forty year old would make a better mother than a twenty year old.
I had my daughter at 42. It’s a funny fact of life that I’m going through the change and she’s in puberty. I was very lucky that both my daughter and I didn’t have any health problems during pregnancy or after. I would have loved to have a child when I was younger, but I didn’t. I have been very blessed to have a daughter!!!
I think it’s ridicules for a 40 years old to have a baby at that age. Women now this day have problems raising a baby at the age 25. I really don’t feel it’s fair for the baby or the mother. Nine times out of ten the mother is not going to be able to grow with this baby (going places, playing sports, being physically active in the baby’s life. I think that is very important for the parents to physically interact with their kids if it’s physically possible.
My fiance’s mother died and he was 32. There is no telling when you will die, you could die tomorrow, you can die when you are 23, 33, 43. So your arguement about the mothers dying when they are older and having kids when the children are young is stupid. No one can foresee when they will die.
Some of these comments are truly ignorant. Some mothers in their teens and 20’s are lousy caretakers and can’t provide for their children emotionally or financially due to selfishness, immaturity and lack of planning. Lots of women in their 40’s and 50’s have energy and are physically, mentally and financially fit enough to take great care of their children. To those of you who complain that your mom might not be healthy when you are in your 20’s. First of all the US womens average life expectancy is 86 years.(So you need to check your math) Second if your mom eats healthy and exercises she should be able to keep up with you into her later years. It is better to have a great older mom who took great care of you for 30 years than to have a young mom who never took good care of you at all due to working several jobs or for selfish reasons!
George- I am sure your mom is in heaven feeling hurt you are not appreciative of her good care and the many good years you shared together. Life offers no guarantees regardless of age. Try to enjoy every day and make the most of whatever years you have left!
“I did not have a choice i had to establish myself”
Baloney, you made a choice. I agree it was a hard choice, but I shared a bedroom with my brother and I wore hand me downs. It did not turn me into a serial killer. 47 with diabetes, are you nuts
Well – you folks have certainly scared the heck out of me!! My husband is 7 yrs younger than me and wants to have a baby. However, I am an ungodly 43 yrs old. I’m guessing my usefulness has ended…
If you have issue with women over 40 having children, what about obese women, who obviously cannot keep up with their kids and will likely die at a young age? What about smokers? Maybe women with diabetes shouldn’t have kids, since they may have serious health problem early in life. I’ll take a healthy 40+ woman over an obese woman or smoker anyday.
“Newman said, “I was never a great driver — I started racing when I was 47 years old — but I got to be pretty good. I was a pretty good driver for about five years.”
So, Paul Newman started racing at an age when physical skills are on the decline. So I guess that means NASCAR will be wanting people to wait until their late 40’s to start driving — No of course not.
Some people are very lucky to have a healthy baby after age forty — does that mean that waiting until after 40 to start a family is a good idea ABSOLUTELY NOT it is dangerous
ASK A DOCTOR
I did – ask a doctor that is – There is absolutely nothing wrong with women over 40 having children. As a matter of fact it is becoming the norm. Times change. In the “old” days divorce was unthinkable, today its the norm – nobody even worries about that. People can make their own choices (do you smoke? Do you drink? What car do you drive?) All of those are choices. Having children over 40 is not selfish – trying to dictate to others what we can and cannot do IS.
I was a late-life baby—my mother was nearly 45 and my father 40 when I was born (I was an unplanned pregnancy, BTW). I’d say the pros and cons were approximately even—yeah, my schoolmates thought my mother was my grandmother, and with an “Old School” mother I had a somewhat strict upbringing. I had a half sister who was almost 16 years older than I, and somewhat of a “wild child,” which made my mother even stricter! I left home at age 19 under her vigorous protests which estranged us for quite a while, but all was well in a few years and we stayed close until Alzheimer’s decimated her by age 80 and she died at age 85 (the last 5 were spent in a nursing home). I consider myself lucky to have had her for 41 years and while I’m not sorry to have been the child of older parents, I missed out on a lot of the “fun” things parents do with their kids like traveling (which my mother had done earlier in life and had had enough of). I had MY last child at age 28 as I was determined to NOT have them late in life, and I’m not sorry at all. Now at age 51, I cannot imagine having a baby—even having my 2 yr. old grandson for 3 days is difficult.
Of course, YMMV—but older women really need to think HARD about the ramifications 10, 20 or even 30 years down the road (IF they are lucky to live that long!)
My sister got married and had children in her early 20’s. Later she panicked after having missed out on so much life, cheated, partied, and left her family. Then she married again and had more children but with a man who was still going through what she went through in her previous marriage. Now those children are suffering because she was simply too young when she had them.
I am second oldest, born when my mother was 20, in a family with seven children. The youngest was born when my mother was 40 and I am somewhat envious of the life my parents have been able to provide for her both financially and emotionally. My parents were far too young when they had me. We, the older children, were victims of their adolescent turmoil. So I give a thumbs up to all the older mothers out there. Sure there will be times when you’ll have difficulty relating to your kids. But more than a friend, kids need a mother and you should have no trouble with that role.
Notice on page one of this article, it reads “In 2007, 105,071 women aged 40-44 gave birth, the highest rate SINCE 1968″. That means there were AT LEAST that many women aged 40-44 who gave birth in 1968. Women having babies in their 40s is not a new phenomenon.
Let’s please move past all the case-by-case examples listed below. The FACT is that human life expectancy will not, BY NATURE, improve much more. It’s a biological fact that we can not escape. Also, even if we were to live longer, our quality of life beyond 85-ish, in general, is not great. So, the older you are when you have children the closer you are to your death. So, I do think it is important to take this into consideration when thinking about your child’s adult future. So you have an abundance of energy when your children are babies but how much you will have when they are teenagers or young adults (very critical times)? I can’t image that a 4o-year old and 70-year mother will have the same energy level and health (think about averages here, not specific cases). Finally, if you have to seek medical help to have children at an older age than that should tell you that you are messing with nature’s natural course.
Women are fickle – that is why it takes them until they are in their 40’s to find a suitable mate. Female infidelity is at an all time high – rivaling that of men for the first time in modern history. I am 42 and would love to have a kid but women in their 30’s and early 40’s still seem to be out in the bars still partying it up like they have all the time in the world for a millionaire to come and marry them. Women have to stop digging for gold and they might just discover they like platinum even better!
It is monstrously selfish for a woman over 40 to insist on going through pregnancy and childbirth. It is known that the risks of serious birth defects and complication are high. Do women who do this even think about the effect on the child — or is it all about them? Guess what: We don’t always get to do everything we want in life. And even if you CAN have a baby at 40 or older doesn’t mean you should.
Just because YOU feel this way does not mean that others should. It’s really BS to say that its selfish to have children at an older age. Will the child suffer if I should die whne my sons are 30, 40? Probably so – because they love me. My dad died at age 79 when I was 43. I will never, ever get over it and miss him every second of every day. It has nothing to do with age. We are a very close and loving family. Also very secure in our decision to have children past the ripe age of 33 and (gasp) even at the age of 44.
My mom had me when she was in her twenties – she never did any of the physical stuff with me that you all seem to value that much (like sports), but I did not miss out on anything because of it. I had my friends for sport activities.
It’s just crazy to imply that you should not have kids later in life because you might not feel like doing sports with them.
On the other hand… my mom and dad were young when they started their family and I always wished I had more sophisticated, educated, accomplished parents! My parents were still growing up themselves through their 20s and into their 30s, and this holds true for subsequent generations. When I went to college and saw my professors on campus with their younger children, I was so envious of those kids. I always thought how cool to have parents that had so much together and who had accomplished so much, I would be so proud to have parents like that. And I knew that was the kind of parent I wanted to be. Besides that, being over 40 now isn’t what it was in past decades. We’re in the 21st century now and there’s no call for getting old before your time. In addition, a lot of women in their 40s+ get pregnant with the use of donor eggs, usually these are eggs from women in their 20s, so these pregnancies are often a lot healthier than even for 30-something women who conceive with their own eggs. Just another perspective on older parents.
I am 42 and my husband is 44. I had my daughter at 25 and my son at 37. Yes they are 12 years apart and i would not change this for the world. I did not plan for this to happen it just happen. We enjoy every moment of their lives and we are thankful to have them both. There ages are spaced out and their worlds are seperate but that doenst matter we enjoy the teenage life and the toddler life. I think everyone needs to be more positive and stop thinking negative about having children at a older age. You have to “love the life you live and live the life you love”. Life is not promised to any of us but while we are living in it we need to enjoy every moment we have. Children are a blessing!
I am a 50 year old man planning to have a baby.Is it too dangerous.My wife is only 25….
I don’t know what you people are talking about– my grandparents and great-grandparents had children well into their 40’s. My Dad is more than 20 years older than his youngest brother and sister–and my Dad has a sister older than him! It’s nothing new! So when I had my 4th child at 41; I recognized the blessing and I was able to overcome the criticisms of people will small minds.
There is something inherently wrong with people who comment on what a 40+ year old woman should or shouldn’t do with her body or her life. There are way too many men out there who don’t have children because the responsibility is way too overwhelming for them, AND way too many men who are deadbeat dads in their 20’s and 30’s, who were at the prime of child bearing years. If a woman gets pregnant at 17, 18, or 19, she is spoken of as a slut. If a woman gets pregnant at 40 she is irresponsible with the child because she won’t live long enough to the “child’s” years. How long should a parent be around for? You are an adult at age 18. Parents will always be there no matter what age, but to think that a prent should be alive well into a person’t 40′ or 50’s is ignorant. People are born and die daily, if is nature’s way. And if you have a child at 17, 18 or 19, your own child is more likely to have their own child at that age as well, and the cycle goes on, and so does welfare, lack of education, you name it. People should be more worried about women having babies between 18-24 which is when they are more vulnerable and unstable and may end up in welfare.
How many chidlren end up living with their grandparents? Noone, least of all men, should comment on what a woman is willing to do with her body and life in order to give love to a child.
Thank you MiamiGal, well written!
I am 43 and 4 months pregnant. I had my first child when I was 27 and wasnt quite ready then but adapted. Does not matter what your age is when you conceive as long as you are fit and able to care for the child. I remarried a man who is 30 with no children so we are very excited as is my soon to be 16 yr old daughter.
Hi Everyone,
Been reading your comments and I wanted to let everyone know about an amazing woman and teacher that has helped numerous women for over 15years conceive healthy robust babies.
Her name is Julia Indichova, she has two books published, “Inconceivable” and “Fertile Female.”(available on amazon.com)
Inconceivable is about her struggle with infertility and how she overcame all odds to conceive her daughter naturally at age 42. Fertile Female gives a greater explanation of the tools she used. She has really changed my life! There is also a website: http://www.fertileheart.com
Take care
SP
Well I am 27 and my husband and I are trying (seriously trying)to conceive now. I just pray I am not one of those women that can not conceive until later in life. Because per several people on here I would be considered a “bad mother”. You do not know everyone’s situation or their struggles. You can only do what works for you.
I had a first child at 35 and a second at 39. My younger son graduated from college three weeks ago. My older son just finished his second year of a PhD program in economics. Both of my sons had advantages they might not have had if I had been younger. They got to attend a Montessori school, a strong high school and two wonderful liberal arts colleges. They both played sports, musical instruments and excelled academically. We were able to travel throughout the US and Europe as a family. We have a very modest home and even more modest cars. And, by the way, I am still alive and well. I work full time, have a huge garden, bicycle 50-60 miles per week, still travel and delight in my young adult sons.
By the way, my parents had their children when they were younger and my father died when I was 10 years old and my brother was two.
Have your children when you want and can, love and enjoy them and your lives together.
As long as a woman is not putting off having a child until after 40 for selfish reasons (putting her career first, wants to travel the world first, etc) and rather the reason is because she has not been able to get pregnant then I don’t see a problem with women over 40 trying to conceive.
@Amy
I can’t help but wonder why a woman is considered selfish for establishing a career or wanting to broaden her horizons by seeing the world before having children. It seems to me that she would have alot to offer her children from having led a life rich with experience. I had my own children at 27 and 30. What so many judgemental people seem to consider the “appropriate age”. My children are now both teenagers who make me proud every day, and to be honest, I have no interest in having more children at this stage in my life. However, if a woman (or man for that matter) chooses to become a parent in their 40’s, after they’ve achieved other things in their lives, who are you or anyone else to judge them? I’ve met many parents over the years, both younger and older. What I’ve found is that a persons age has very little to do with their parenting skills or the quality of life they provide for their children.
My parents had me when they were 23 and 24, and they don’t regret it for a second. Could they have been more “financially stable”? Yes. Did they depend on grandparents? Yes. But you know what? I’m glad they did. My sister and I were lucky enough to grow up with our mother, father, both sets of grandparents, and two sets of great-grandparents. Now, I am 23 and expecting my first child and my grandparents are still around and we are as close as ever, and they are so excited to get to see their great-grandchildren and will more than likely be around for a long time after they are born. My parents are in their late 40’s, and are having the time of their life. Me and my sister are both college grads, married, and expecting. My parents cannot wait to be grandparents, and I am so happy that my babies will get to know and love them as well as I know and love my grandparents. Say what you want about young people having babies and depending on grandparents, blah blah blah, but children do great when they have an entire family that loves them, not just mom and dad and maybe an old wrinkly person whose house stinks.
My best friend was born to parents well into their 40’s. Her dad suffered a stroke while she was in high school that was absolutely devastating, she lost the two grandparents she had her freshman year of college, and her mom has been struggling with cholesterol and high blood pressure for going on 8 years now. These are not issues a girl in her early 20’s should have to be dealing with…Not to mention the ridicule she received at the hands of the teens in our community when we were in high school/college. While most of our parents were enjoying themselves with us at the lake, pool, on the golf course, tailgating at football games, her parents were at home or getting fitted for their hearing aides. It’s just a fact–people get old, and stop telling yourself 40 is the new 30, and 50 is the 40.
And, why do you have to wait till you get married to have a kid?? So what if you don’t find your man till you’re in your 40’s. If you want a kid before that, have a kid. Stop waiting for Mr. Hopefully Right/Sperm Donor to come around.
Your comment is worthwhile. I understand all too well, because I, too, am the child of mid-life parents. You are correct – a young woman in her early 20’s shouldn’t have the burden of aging, ill parents. Of course, it can happen to anyone – but it’s far more likely to occur when one;s parents are older parents.
I have read through all of these comments/judgments and thank God that the fertility rights of individuals are not left in the hands of other people and what they deem is “right”. We all have our own ideas as to what makes the best parent; whether it is age, money, education etc…..This article addresses the health risks involved in lengthening the fertile period in a woman’s life not what makes a good parent.
What makes a good parent? LOVE!!!!!! Whether the child is biologically yours, adopted or fostered. Love is what make a good parent. Age, health, money, education, staure will never make you a good parent. These “things” are just tools. IF you can not have love, patience and understanding along with discipline then everything else will fall short. Families just love your children, spend time with them while you can. Cherish them…whether your are an unwed mother of 16 or happily married at 45 with secured finances. In then end it will not matter on how old, intelligent or rich you were; what will matter is that you made a difference in the life of a child. And that will live on in their children.
Wow, if you think 40 and 50 is old then obviously the people you hang out with and even yourself are not very phyiscally fit. I know several men and women in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s that run miles a day and lift weights and eat correct. Yes, if McD’s is your idea of dinner and reaching for the remote is your idea of exercise, then maybe you shouldn’t be having a baby that late in life. But if you are fit and healthy, then what’s the problem.
The reality is that those who believe it is so selfish are the lazy, McD’s eaters who have no idea what health looks like.
I am the child of mid-life parents, now middle-aged myself. Of course I am happy to be here, but if I could’ve chosen, I would’ve chosen younger parents. When I was born, both my mother and father were in great shape and both were youthful people.
By the time I was in my teens, however, my parents’ health situations were NOT good at all. By my early 20’s, I was my mother’s caregiver and was watching my father die of cancer. He died when I was 25 & never had the chance to really know my children. My mom died when I was 42 and her beloved grandchildren were teens.
I need my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles now – but all are long gone. If I didn’t have my 2 older sisters, extended family would be a distant memory for me.
Seriously, if you want to have children early in life, that is fine as long as you remember that it is your choice. Please do not dictate to the rest of society at what age they should have their children. Not everyone has the good fortune of meeting their spouse at the age of 24 or 27. Not everyone ages the same. I am 40 and my wife is 41. When we have our child, he or she will graduate from college when I am between 62 and 65. I run four times a week and although I don’t have the physique that I had at the age of 25, I still am in good health. Unless, God forbid, I am stricken with a disease or I have the misfortune of losing my life in a car crash, I do not see any reason that I won’t be alive, healthy, and vibrant when I reach the age of 65. Will I be able to play tackle football with my kids? Probably not, I am quite certain that I still will be able to go hiking with them in Yosemite Park or the Grand Canyon. That is good enough for me.
That is a really wonderful comment, Peter. You sound like a great dad. My three sons take hiking with us anytime over playing football, since they so that with their friends everyday in school. We travel a lot and share everything together. Yes, even cleaning and grocery shopping. They are growing into wonderful, well adjusted, respecful individuals that would never judge people for their choices based on age.
As a woman who gave birth at 41 1/2yrs I would like to comment. After trying for 3yrs with artificial insem. my husband and I gave up. I had an early miscarriage at 40 and then got pregnant again 6mos later . The only problem was gestational diab. which went away. The REAL problem however is later. My son, now just 17 and always a handful is going through the teen problems and more. My husband age 62 is diabetic. Having kids later is unfair to all I think.
people who think it is risky for a woman over 40 to get pregnant, but less risky for a man to be come a father over 40 are not sexist they are HONEST and REALISTIC. the risk of Down’s syndrome increases with the mother’s age not the fathers
OPINIONS AND FEELINGS have not one single thing to do with the biological clock which is a fact
Nature does not care about your feelings
there are some studies that suggest men who reproduce at older ages have a higher risk of children with schizophrenia Men should be careful too
waiting till 47 is a good way to get even with your parents and deny them grandchildren
Having children in your 40’s does not mean horror for the child’s future. My parents had me in their very early 30’s and my Mom just died a couple of weeks ago, I am pregnant at 32 and have no Mom. Now my Dad has cancer also.
It can happen at any age, life carries no guarantees. If you are reasonably healthy and take good care of the baby, you should have it.
Also, I had an Aunt who played more with us than any adult in our family and she was in her late 50’s when she played with us as kids. Age has nothing to do with how healthy, energetic, or playful you are. It is the individual who determines that.
I know multiple young parents who have no desire to play with their kids, they could care less. Age has nothing to do with it.
YES YOU CAN DIE AT ANY TIME
BUT THE TRUTH IS many people will die old and a few will die young you should try to make decisions based on what is likely to happen
as far as the risk of pregnancy
it is absolutely risky for a 47 year old woman to get pregnant and a 47 year old man can make a baby with no problem
this is not sexism it is truth
your feeling are meaningless
by waiting till you are in your forties you are deliberately risking the health of your baby for money that is the absolute truth regardless of your feelings
You are clearly uneducated on the subject. There is indeed complications with the sperm of men at age 47. Not to mention, men have less sperm as they get older.
I urge you to educate yourself on this – you sound bitter and uneducated.
Mr and Mrs O’neil had a child who grew to be over 7 feet tall M+M woods had a baby that became a great golfer
SO I GUESS EVERYONE CAN HAVE A BABY WHO GROWS TO OVER 7 FEET OR WINS THE MASTERS
these individual stories mean nothing
for a woman it is better to have children before you become 35 rather than after i have no doubt that some women over 35 got lucky, but deliberately waiting (and it is always always a choice) to after 35 is stupid
I am 43 and my husband just turned 41. We have been married for 2 years and I have 3 sons from my first marriage. My husband has an 8 yr old daughter from a “fling” he had and he didn’t find out about until she was almost 2. We have decided to try for 3 months to have a baby so that he too can experience the pregnancy and joy of seeing your child born. This was not an easy decision as my boys are 11,13 and 15. We put the time limit on because I think if it was meant to happen it will happen. Thoughts?
What a negative article. I totally disagree with many of the stats stated in this article. What about the healthy babies and moms over 40? I could do some research and come back with research to support the positive side too. I agree with IVF and hormones and unhealthy women trying to get pregnant. But for the healthy 40+ mom who gets pregnant spontaneously and takes care of herself, like myself, I have had no problems in my pregnancy. I have low BP, a healthy baby, no birth defects or gestational diabetes. I don’t like articles that paint such an ugly picture of a natural process. If our bodies are not meant to have children, don’t force it with IVF, but if it does, then embrace it rather than criticize it.
To all of you who think a man’s age doesn’t effect the quality of his sperm may I direct you to the following article. This is just one of many new studies that have come out on this subject in recent years:
http://www.gettingpregnant.co.uk/male_bio_clock.html
Life is uncertain. You never are the perfect age to be a parent. There is no perfect scenario. Some conditions are better to have children in for sure. But each kid is different. Each situation is different based on the mix of events and people involved. Play the cards life deals and make the most of your time. If your young you lack experience and stability. If you are older the impact of living (injury, health deterioration etc.) might cost you the ability to share experiences of some sort or you just might not have the time to share with your family.
Make the most of the time you have. Without relationship–family and community what is the point. If you are the most brilliant person in whatever field you enjoy for work, vocation or hobby and don’t pass that along it dies with you. Love richly. Engage fully.
Some of the logic used to say women should not have children after 40 and, to some extent men, also applies to my friends who are coming back from war and are missing limbs. Because a man has no legs or an arm and cannot run or throw a ball should he not have kids. Because a woman cannot run a marathon should she not have kids. I know that is a bit extreme but what is fit enough? Most people I know work fairly sedentary jobs, and are slightly over weight. Does that mean that they cannot love equally? Does that mean they cannot teach good values?
I am 39. I run three to seven miles a day. My resting heart rate is between 45 and 50. I am in better shape than any 20 year old I know. Yet because of the line of work I am in, I could die tomorrow. Enjoy the relationships you have while you have them. Grieve when you lose a loved one. Cherish the memory when when they are gone. If humanity waited for the optimum time and conditions to raise children in, there would be no humanity.
My wife’s parents were older when they had her. If they had been “selfish” and said it was not worth the effort and energy then their legacy would not have been nearly as great. Her parents did not have the same time with her on this Earth as the stereo-typical. We dealt with kidney failure, dialysis and loss. My father and mother had kids when they were young. Divorce left me with a single parent. Prostate cancer struck my father earlier than the statistics said should be expected despite regular check-ups.
Have children when you are young. Have children when you are old. Love them. Raise them as best you can knowing full well there is no perfect parent. If you have the luxury of being a grand parent of great grand parent fantastic. And if you can’t or won’t have kids enjoy life and pass on what you have to an “adopted” family. Moms who are over 40 should be able to identify the risks and possible consequences of having a child. They need to determine whether or not they can come to terms with the scenarios that might play out without. We don’t need to determine it for them.
I appreciate that families are started at all differnet ages and situations can be complicated. I also appreciate that women over 40 have a special life experience that may provide a child a secure and financially stable environment. However, I do not understand how someone who wants to be a parent is able to spend a significant amount of time and effort to have a biological child. There are so many children out there that desperately want and need parents. How can someone who wants to be a parent ignore the plea of thousands of unwanted and unloved children?
I really liked your blog! great