Q: Sex with my husband is starting to feel like a routine. How can I get him to try new things?
A: First, realize that men have delicate egos and never want to hear that they’re not God’s gift to women in bed. Still, you should talk to your husband—just do it outside the bedroom and in a loving way. Take a look at the role you play, too. Have you tried initiating more surprising sex?
Once you have a dialogue going (and assuming he does not have a medical condition and is not on medication that can affect his sexual desire or response, both of which he should consult a doctor about), think of ways to pique his interest outside the bedroom. For example, next time you take a shower, wear just the towel around for a while. Titillation will spur him to be more spontaneous. You can build up tension during the day with suggestive emails and phone messages, so that he’s raring to go at night. To explore new territory, write down your fantasies and put them in a “fantasy jar.” Then take turns picking out of the jar and act out the fantasies. This can build intimacy, trust—and great sex.
Q: Help! I can’t find my G-spot. Where is it?
A: Don’t worry: Your G-spot is in there—on the upper wall of your vagina, about a third of the way in—but it can be hard to pinpoint. In order to locate and stimulate the G-spot, you first need to be sexually aroused. Once you are well into foreplay, lie on your back and lift up your knees. Gently insert one or two fingers (or have your partner do this) two to three inches inside your vagina and make beckoning moves with your fingers, pressing up toward the belly button on the anterior vaginal wall.
Press gently at first, then add more pressure. You’ll know you’ve found your G-spot if you feel like you have to pee. Also, the area will feel firmer and a little rubbery. Just remember: Not all women have the same reaction to G-spot stimulation. Some find it leads to a more intense orgasm; others feel nothing at all. So don’t worry if your G-spot doesn’t lead you to bigger Os; you’re perfectly normal.
Q: I feel like I wet myself when I have sex. Is that possible?
A: Many women produce large amounts of vaginal fluid during sex, especially during heightened arousal and menstruation. It’s completely normal. Some women even “ejaculate” this liquid during sex when aroused or at the time of orgasm. Unlike urine, this vaginal fluid is clear and odorless, so relax, you don’t need to start wearing diapers to bed. The fluid comes from two glands inside the urethra called the Skene’s glands: It’s the female counterpart to the male prostate, which produces the fluid in male ejaculate.
That said, if you feel pain when the wetness begins, have bleeding during or after intercourse, or the discharge is yellow and/or has an odor, see your doc, as these could signal something more serious.
Jennifer Berman, MD, is director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center and author of For Women Only.
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Comments (13)
most of life concern with sex when young,itis partly concern to all people their funny life going on,if it does not have ,it is same that partly dead people.
I translated that as:
Most of life people are concerned with sex at a young age. It is partly a concern to all that people live funny lives. If you do not have a life, it is the same as being partly dead.
To make things more interesting in the bedroom try adding some toys, lingerie or movies. My favorite place to shop is http://www.loversplayland.com they have something for everyone.
A lot of men are genitally focused during sex, which is a narrow view of sexuality and one that will get boring eventually. You will both enjoy sex more if you can expand your understanding and enjoyment of sex.
I’d suggest you both spend time learning to incorporate more sensuality into your encounters. For help, try an online program like 3D MAN or E-Sensual Woman – both available through Sensovi Institute (http://www.sensovi.com) or find a sex coach or therapist who can help.
I agree with Sensovi. Women are looking for much more than genital focused sexuality. If a man is interested in improving his sex life with a partner, he is going to need to look at sex from the point of view of a woman and understand what works for her, not just what works for him (hopefully the two will naturally combine).
Here’s a suggestion. Have a movie night. Choose a sensual film (absolutely not porn–go for sensual and sexy–www.barefootaphrodite.com) Skip the popcorn, have a glass of wine. Light some candles. Watch the film. Then talk about it. Sounds boring to a guy? Try it.
On the issue of feeling like one is urinating during orgasm I am the opposite. I am 50 but have been dry even when aroused. I do have some wetness but not like I would want. I have been like this since about the age of 33. I am using Premarin vaginal cream and topical testosterone. My partner and I use saliva or gel to help with the dryness. I sex life is very satifying but psychological, as well as physically I feel could be enhanced so it is more natural. Any suggestions?
My wife has been like this every since we first met (she was about 40 at the time). One “nice” thing about using gel to lubricate her is that it initiates more foreplay. It’s one way to turn a disadvantage into a very nice advantage. :)
I agree with Sensovi
I have a questiion is it okay for a man to stay abstenent for the rest of his life.
If you really want to be permanently abstinent, go ahead…you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. As long as it doesn’t lead to being stressed out from unrelieved tensions, there shouldn’t be any other problems from it.
However, most people do eventually meet someone they want to do sexual things with and put together at least the amount of a relationship that makes this acceptable to them. Since most people do, you probably will too, unless you actively avoid it (and even then, life is unpredictable).
There’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right person, or even being OK with it if the right person just doesn’t show up. And some people choose permanent abstinence in order to avoid spreading an STD that they can’t get rid of–this is responsible and a big sacrifice and we should all respect these people a lot. But if you’re freaked out by the idea of sex, you might consider seeing a counselor, because relationships, including the kind that are or may become sexual, can be a positive part of life, and it would be a shame to miss out on that for a reason that you could fix.
great sex can only be achieved through exploration; how else will you know what you like…. what takes you to your limit or puts you over the top? try http://www.loversplayland.com
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Great sex is a little like obscenity, you can’t describe it but you know it when you’re getting it.