1. Hit the hot spots.
A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt. You may even want to try using a vibrator during intercourse, says Laura Berman, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and OB-GYN at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. She recommends the Athena ($11.95) the Aurora ($46.95), both available at evesgarden.com.
2. Talk the talk.
“Men really want direction,” Berman says. Let your partner know when he’s on the right track, either by telling him what feels great or by moaning.
3. Learn on your own.
You can’t talk the talk if you don’t know what turns you on. “To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate,” says Danielle Cavallucci, a sex coach with sex information company Sexuality Source.
4. Exercise your orgasm muscles.
“Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones,” sex educator Dorian Solot says. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.
5. Get risky.
Research shows that engaging in thrill-seeking behaviors together (whether it’s rock climbing or just going to see a scary movie) stimulates dopamine in the brain, which gets your juices flowing.
6. Delay the pleasure.
“The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion,” Solot says. Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
7. Focus on breathing.
Tantric sex may sound new-agey, but its central tenet—focused breathing—may boost your pleasure. “You can use your breath to channel your sexual energy,” sex educator Yvonne Fulbright says. Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure.
8. Explore erotica.
Porn isn’t all about big penises and deep throats. Erotic movies and books can be tasteful and arousing, and the more aroused you are, the better your orgasm chances. Berman and Fulbright suggest the Candida Royale films ($9.95 and up at adameve.com); the sex scenes are steamy, and there’s a plot. Berman also recommends literature like the Herotica series, in which women are the lead characters.
9. Try creative foreplay.
If it takes you longer than your partner to warm up, Fulbright says, get a head start by e-mailing or texting each other sexy messages (but don’t get too graphic—e-mail is not necessarily private).
10. Check your meds.
Women are more likely than men to take anti-depressants, which are known to hurt a person’s sex life. If you’re having trouble, talk to your doctor about your meds.
11. Get help early.
If you’re not orgasmic, advice from a pro may be helpful. Nerve damage or low testosterone could be the problem. “Your doctor can do a medical evaluation,” Berman says, “or look at relationship factors.” To find a sex therapist, check with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists at aasect.org.
12. Relax.
In a recent French study of 500-plus women, more than 70 percent said work stress compromised their sex drive. A low libido, obviously, lowers chances of orgasm. So ditch life’s distractions at your bedroom door.
By Kara Jesella
Comments (58)
me and my boyfri[end like to do it rough and his balls alweays hit me and i feel unconfortable what should i do???
You should try a different position. I don’t think his balls hitting you is necessary, necessarily. Try being on top, or, tie him up a little, have him wear underwear, try having sex on your sides.
I think it adds an extra level of sensation and rather like it. Perhaps it would make you feel more comfortable with his balls if you spent time on specifically, to sexualize their presence in your physical relationship more
Does smoking pot improve your orgasm?
oh yes. and makes the sexual intercourse last longer. :)
true that.
Sex should be fun. The most important thing is to feel comfortable with your partner. Be open to talk about what you both like no subject should be tabu when it comes to the bedroom. It is very important to keep it interesting try some sex toys, and or books or dvds if you are new to this area try soft core couples videos at first.Try http://www.loversplayland.com they have a wide variety of toys and are super friendly.Just relax and take your time, and keep your partner happy and they will surely return the favor.
well I think everybody has diferent experinces but mines are incredible I enjoy a lot when I’m having an orgasm.
Hi Jen,
I hate to tell you this, but you’re going to get “hit”. Not sure why it makes you uncomfortable, but it’s part of sex and part of his body and how his body moves. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable because it’s “dirty” or “taboo” to you. I think you should take a deep breath and enjoy that he wants to go at it the way you like.
My husband gets me to my climax, but then he orgasms and leaves me very frustrated and I become very moody. What shall we do?
Dear Jen,
I know this is a sensitive subject with men because I happen to be one, if he is open to it, have him do kegel excersises, have him slow down when he feels he is about to ejactulate, and if all else fails, have him masturbate before you have sex or after he ejactulates the first time, have him clean up and go again. And also, experiment with some toys as well, have him stimulate you with a vibrating bullet or other toy while you are having penetrative sex. I’t will also help if you do kegel excercises as well.
hope this helps
my husband tries to get me to orgasm bur he doesnt and he ejaculates before my orgasm and that lead me to frustration and anger. plz help me.
i’ve been havin sex for a while ,but im not convenced that i have had a orgasm ? how do i know?
I know what you are talking about.I dont have an answer either. Who does? I cant go on like this. Dont tell me to fantasize or masturbate. I cant do that for the rest of my life. Thanks in advance.
I’ll never give you up, i’ll never let you down …
get him to go down on you for a good while, until you have had 1 or 2 orgasms and then…. let him slide into you…
If you are uncomfortable with it, Jen, then you should definitely tell him, and find a different position that suits your needs and wants.
my boyfriend always wants to try new things but he mostly always sticks to the usual.
like brandy said how do you know when or if you had an orgasm???
You will know when you have an orgasm so if you havnt had that good good feeling you probley have never had one, I have some info that could help and also on some good toys to get you started.
Me and my partner have been having trouble for a while now. We pretend it hasn’t affected our relationship, but we both know it has. Thanks for your tips Kara, I’m going to hit my boyfriend’s orgasm muscles now, his are in his prostrate.
Im 21 and i think i never had an orgasm but when i play whith toys it feels better than sex
Hi ladies. I was on here to see if there is anything new I could do or find that I maybe haven’t done yet. I enjoy satisfyin my girl an likewise for her.
Sometimes we hav foreplay from jus bein wit each other to talk and text. But other times we really don’t need it @ all. What might help u is to think about what really
Turns u on about your partner or foreplay like I said before. Most men orgasm fast and to compensate for that he shud still be turned on to want to satisfy you. Now
However you go about it is all up to u but switch it up. Break tradition.
My first orgasm happens in the first ten minutes, but just from me still wanting to go I’m ready to
Go, still erect if that’s not tmi. That’s basically the warm-up then after is when more intimacy comes into play.
Try it.
my partner can go for hours without having an orgasm.
It seems he holds out. He doesn’t make any noise
when he has an orgasm, he is very quite. Is it
possible that he could hold out that long or could
he have a problem. I’m wondering if maybe I don’t
turn him on.
Probably he focus to much on what you like, and doesn’t get pleasure. This has been a problem for me to, and now I almost never get an orgasm when I ejaculate. I think you turn him on, but maybe you should focus more on what he likes when you have sex?
girl if he last that long is not because u dont turn him on .is that you are lucky and you dont realize it!!!! dont let him get away lol!!!
It could possibly be a number of things. I wouldn’t necessarily say you don’t turn him on. Do you ever try anything new? Do you know what really turns him on
Nd gets him going? Just think of it this way, the more intimate details(good ones) that you know about each other the better it can be.
i love my husband,our sex life is wonderful.The key is communication.
my husband and I have a wondeful sex life. It is all about communication.Dont be afraid to tell your partner what you like. Explore yuor mind
I love my boyfriend but i dont want to hurt his feelings when i dont orgasm. Im not that experienced so i really dont know what to do! And the bad part is he thinks its his fault!!! So if you have any advice or tips for me please tell!
i love my better half alot….just wish he would just be more caring wen it comes to our sex life…he feels he aint doing a good job which frustrates him and he lets all his negativity out on me..how am i eva gonna make him realize the more negativity he brings in our rltshp the futher ill move away?
i never had one. when its time for me to, it to late…
I am still new with the love making scene. I care a lot about satisfying my girl. However when we have sex my girl likes it rough and i try to but i never seem to have the “force” needed what can i do?
Ive been married to the most wonderfull man for 20 yrs now and your sex love life is what u make of it u have to explore each others bodies and spend time learning what u like and what he likes and what turns u on and what turns him on there r spots on a womans body thats very sentual feeling and a man as well it like the nape of the neck the lower back the inner thighs u just have to explore and take ur time and never hold ur feeling in let ur feel good out let him know he is driving u mad and making u feel unbelieveable also fingers let him suck on ur fingers or toes its so ohhh i promise there r so many things to make u have an orgasm and if u have never had one u know it cause one u have one u dont wanna stop u crave more and more it like a drug once ur addicted its hard to stop and also if ur man goes before u just go down on him he will get it back and i promise u will love it
I can’t seem to have an orgasm. Is there a particular spot in me that he can hit to make me have one? Please any comments!!
My husband surprised me with a few sensual toys to play with that he got at http://www.orgasminsurance.com I must say that this is the best insurance we ever invested in!!!! I can’t tell you how much it has enriched our sex lives and how much I am guranteed a climax now every time!
I am very interested in the little toys in which you can invest about $10.00 or $20.00 and they seem to help you to reach an orgasm faster. I don’t know which one to invest in but I am sure there are good ones on the market. Please advise.
my wife on the antideprsent now is the fun gone,sure seems thou she is letting it be gone
You will know cuz in some women your ody starts shaking and its a great feeling amd most of the time you won’t get one with intercourse so let him go down on u till u come toys are great also
Thanks for the tip about http://www.orgasminsurance.com…just reminded me to buy some stuff for my wife!
My boyfriend and I usually have a really good sex life but last night I don’t know what happend, It’s never happend before..Im thinking we may have had too much foreplay but he ejaculated really fast and Im not sure what to do or think.
I thought all this posting of http://www.orgasminsurance.com was just a joke, but the site really exists. Just for the heck of it, I purchased a few sex toys. haven’t received them yet, but can’t wait to get some of that special insurance.
Me & my boyfriend have been together about 5 months now and weve had sex 4 times.. and i wondered if condoms help your orgasms…? as i have tryed heated twice and both times i have had great orgasms.. then i tryed dotted and ribbed twice and neither times i didnt have a orgasm… & he wants to go on and do loads more positions but im really concious of my body, anyone got any advice for me to become less concious and have greater orgasms?
I know I’ve orgasmed before. But I’ve never been able to do it more than once. Is there something wrong with me? Or what can I do to have more?
This comment is to Tracy. Have him go down on you and use his fingers or a vibrator at the same time and I guarantee you will orgasm. Also masturbate to find out what you like so that you can tell him.
Hey, this maybe juvenile but i can’t seem to controll myself, lets say I don’t last long when we are actually having sex. Is it beacuse everytime i have had sex it hasn’t been good for me but just a waiting game fueled by pure nerves and adrenalin>?
I have a problem what can i do? I have a very big sexdrive but cant get myself to get a orgasm. What is wrong???
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and weve had sex plenty of times. I havnt had an orgasm yet. Why?
I cant orgsam with my boyfriend its very hard i been with him a year now tell me what can i do cuz he starting to ask why i dont.
Ladies. You need to let our man know what you reall like
And when he hits your spot you love.
Doing other things during sex instead of just penetration helps.
Biting, pulling hair, dirty talk etc. Some people might
Feel weird but its just you two so explore and like someone else said
Leave your insecurities and outside problems at the
door. Any ladies in the so Cal area really need any other help
Or want me to deliver an orgasm let ME know.
sex toys are definitely a great way to spice things up! it worked for me; i like loversplayland.com check it out.
I think it is so important to keep it interesting. try http://www.loversplayland.com you will be happy you did they have something for everyone!
my husband and i have just started having intercoures after having a misscarage. after that i haven’t been able to have ANY orgasums dose anyone know what might help?
I don’t know what it is i don’t make noises or have an orgasm. so i don’t know if its me or him
Ummmm, here is the simple answer from a male perspective. If you are a human you masturbate. You know what turns you on. For the love of god, or cake, or whatever, direct your man on what you like. Don’t take the stance that he should know exactly what you like. If your man is like me, he has been with many women who ALL have different reactions to different things. And if you make no noise, or movements while in the act, YOU ARE BAD IN BED! THE WORST! I am venting on my woman’s totally horrible self image that, after 2 years, is still an issue, even though I worship her body. GET OVER IT WOMEN. Tell your man what you want, let yourselves go, make a little noise, and give some fricking feedback. I, for one, will not guess forever before I move on to a better sexual situation.
my man and i have a ten year age difference he’s 45 and I’m 35. I’m getting a little bored with our sex life. I want to be a little spontaneous,and do in the car. His reply is ‘Oh No I’M NOT GETTIN ARRESTED ! what shall i do to make it work SIGNED DESPERATE
I agree all of you needing to explore your bodies and then tell your partner what you like. My other suggestion is to find a lover. I was recently reconnected with a high school friend, he went onto to tell me that he wanted to have sex with me back then. We have now become lovers and it is a different kind of excitement. He makes me have a orgasm everytime!!!
i agree that being able to talk to your partner is the most important thing! otherwise he/she will have no idea what you enjoy. Try adding some toys, videos, books or dress up! it will open up the door to some quite interesting conversations! sex games are a fun accessory too! visit http://www.loversplayland.com