First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes decades of time together strewn with a minefield of potential relationship wreckers. It’s a wonder that anyone ends up walking off into the sunset, hand-in-wrinkled-hand, with a silver-haired mate. What do those geriatric lovebirds know that you don’t?
Well, the truth is that even in so-called happy marriages, both partners probably fantasize some of the time—or even much of the time—about throwing in the towel. A new Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that a shocking 72% of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point. But despite the occasional rocky patch, 71% expected to be with their husbands for the rest of their lives. So how do you make it to the finish line with your relationship intact?
Each decade will have its own drama, be it child-rearing, layoffs, second careers, and middle-aged angst, along with a big helping of the in-sickness-and-in-health stuff. Here’s how to have a healthy relationship every step of the way.
1. Watch your waistline
Now that you’re married, you can finally relax and skip the gym, right? Wrong. Wedded couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can spell trouble in terms of sexual attraction and general health. A 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that your chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if your spouse becomes obese. So unless you want “till death do us part” to include chronic health issues like heart disease and diabetes, it’s important to establish healthy eating habits early on. But warding off weight gain isn’t as simple as whipping up a healthy meal together. Eating with anyone—from your spouse to coworker—can cause you to consume 33% more than you would solo.
Being aware of the potential fatty pitfalls of marital bliss may be enough to keep your portion sizes in check. Spend couple time checking out local farmers’ markets on the weekends in an effort to consumer fresher, low-calorie fare. Or schedule an exercise date to work off some of your hearty, homemade dinners.
2. Have a financial plan
Nearly 40% of married people admit to lying to their spouse about a purchase, according to a 2004 poll, and money woes can quickly send your marriage south. In fact, money is the number-one reason couples fight, and relationships tend to suffer during poor economies. You should discuss and agree upon some hard financial ground rules, preferably before you tie the knot.
Don’t fret if you’re a spendthrift and your partner pinches pennies. “It’s probably not a good thing to have the exact same philosophy about money, “ says Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. “But financial issues are best to resolve early on. You want to decide who is going to pay the bills, how much discretionary spending is reasonable, and how you’re going to keep track of it all.”
Next page: How sex and power come into play
Comments (18)
An excellent article that can lead to open discussion between couples. I will be forwarding to my daughters and hope they can deal with the issues proactively.
I so much love the 9 ways, having take time to go through them this morning, I like to received more enlightment on how to cope with a spause who changed completed from the vision or belief both spauses have before marriage. Is it good for the other spause to struggle to change to the new way of life which he/she finds difficult or what is the best thing to do. I will be grateful for an answer.
Wow I think this could def be a great thing to have by yourside before and after marriage ill say its pretty accurate
My husband and I will be celebrating our 45th anniversary this summer. As I look back and notice how much we both have changed and adapted, I realize how important two things are that are not really mentioned in the list of 9: our shared Faith and open and honest communication–especially when we faced challenges in our relationship. We have very different personalities, but find ways to honor each other in our spouse’s love language. There are times of frustration–we’re human–but I am so thankful for him and for the way God has blessed our commitment to each other.
Sharon, thank you for sharing. I feel happy for your family.
Keep your sense of humor. Don’t dwell on things.
Everything sound good but I don’t like the way my husband kiss.I ask him abut it and he say he hate saliva and thats why he wont give me a passion kiss. I love him but is very depressing. A kiss is very important to me.Plus I want to have sex every day and all I get is 3 time a month if Im lucky. What can I do?
Oh I know the no kiss thing, ever well. My husband says it bcuz of his bad breathe. He was a good kisser. He hates dentist and doctors. He went to so many as a kid. I think he vowed never to go to another. It is very depressing when you love to kiss. Thank God for chicken pecks or I would die.
My ex wouldn’t kiss me the way I liked either. Turned out he was a sex addict and only got off on impersonal encounters. Had he been willing to stay in counseling we could have stayed married. His need to be in control exceeded his need to be kind and we divorced. I have since learned that healthy men love to please their ladies and am happier than I ever was in my 23 year marriage. Good luck getting him to work on his fear of intimacy!
Wow Kate, 23 years with a man who didn’t want to get help… you deserve a medal!
Well done for getting yourself out of it. That must not have been easy.
I’m really like this article..
Sex is important in a marriage. Needs have to me met. The love, security, touch, and a feeling of being wanted and loved. Good for the soul and mental state of mind. Therefore, need have to be met, and couples have to be in harmony with each other. Otherwise, problems may present themselves. lil
See previous submission. lil
Nice going for this article guys !
Stress can make couples to even forget sex and the suggestion pointing not to schedule it is direct and good advice…
Routine harms a lot !
Your article assumes every marriage is a first marriage with shared children. However, my understanding is that more than 1/2 of the marriages today are second marriages. We never go through the experience of being alone together and then having children for the first time. Instead, our married life starts after we are already parents. I would like to see at least an acknowledgement that every family is not a biological family and thoughts on how marriages like mine can be successful.
These are encouraging
you know at times your husband becomes moody but when it comes to bed time he is in stiches every time you make a comment
N, I agree with you. I came into our marriage with a daughter and we just had our first together. I’d love to see how mixed families work, and what we need to do… Normal families are all sorts of families now– not just the 1950’s ideal.
Why can’t I just get the website I’m looking for,rather than go through all this advertisement junk???????