Our sexpert, Linda De Villers, PhD. chimes in on how to handle size issues, oral sex, and how waxing affects your romance and health.
Q: My husband is rather well-endowed, which has become a bit uncomfortable as I’ve gotten older. What can we do?
A: Despite the cliché that “bigger is better,” a man’s generous proportions can sometimes pose a problem for women, especially around menopause, when a decrease in vaginal lubrication can become an issue. The solution? Insist on lots of foreplay—anything from kissing to watching sexy movies. Whatever guarantees excitement for you.
When you’re ready to go further, have some water-based lube on hand to supplement your own natural fluids (try experimenting with different brands to settle on a favorite). Intercourse from behind or side-by-side results in less depth of penetration and will be especially helpful if your partner’s length, not girth, is the issue (either can be problematic). Any position that puts you on top is a good choice, too, since you’ll have more control over the action; tell him to lie back and enjoy. As for couples who have the opposite problem, missionary style maximizes penetration, making him seem larger; you can help by bringing your knees up to your chest.
Q: Oral sex seems like an afterthought in our relationship. We want to do it more, but both of us feel awkward. Can we change that?
A: First, give each other a pat on the bum for wanting to make a positive change—for many women, oral sex is the easiest way to reach orgasm. Not sure how to raise the subject? While you’re fooling around, mention how much you liked it the last time you tried some oral play. That may be all the suggestion he needs. Or show him the love first; he’ll probably be happy to reciprocate.
If gagging is a concern when you’re “giving,” use your hand to guide his penis toward the insides of your cheeks, or control its depth by circling your hands around the base. Positions like sitting or kneeling may work best; experiment with several to find your favorite(s). And pull in a pillow or two: Getting comfortable will free you up to pay attention to your partner’s reactions—his sounds and movements should cue you to what’s most pleasing (on the receiving end, give him plenty of feedback, too). There are even how-to DVDs like The Sinclair Institute’s The Art of Oral Loving ($19.95) if you’re a visual learner. Above all, the timeless advice for sports and music holds true for oral play: Practice makes perfect. Adding a session every so often will cut down on the awkwardness, but it’ll still feel like a special treat.
Q: My husband wants me to try a Brazilian wax. Should I?
A: Ever since Carrie Bradshaw got a Brazilian (botched, actually) on “Sex and the City,” more and more women are going mostly-bare down there. Still, the look—achieved by using hot wax to remove all hair from the pubic region and labia, leaving only a thin vertical “landing strip” up top—is not for everyone.
Some key questions to consider if you’re considering joining the ranks: Does it hurt? Yes, absolutely, though taking aspirin beforehand can help. (Some waxing fans claim both the pain and hair regrowth diminish over time.) Are you prepared to expose your nether regions to an aesthetician and get into some interesting positions? Are you OK with forking over $25 to $50 every month to maintain the look?
There are a few real (if rare) health risks. If you experience nicks, abrasions, or an ingrown hair, you’ll be more vulnerable to infections. And an inexperienced aesthetician could burn you (so get a recommendation from a regular client). You’ll have to avoid tight clothing, saunas and hot tubs, vigorous exercise, and oral sex for 10 hours postwax, because you’ll be slightly more susceptible to bacteria. Oh, and numbing creams like Icy Hot? A definite no-no. Bottom line: Let your feelings—not your husband’s wishes—make the call. You could always start with a standard bikini wax (just shaping and trimming), and work your way up to a Brazilian.
From our resident sexpert, Linda De Villers, PhD. Linda is a certified sex therapist based in California and author of Love Skills.
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Comments (10)
I have a problem with the condom coming off when my girlfriend is on top. I have an average width penis and I am unsure why it keeps happening. Should I try non lubricated condoms or suggestions on brands that may be tighter.
If a woman does not have sex for about 4 years, when she does it, does she feel the same pain as the first time? Is da guy able to know that shes not virgin anymore?
Should a couple forget about the standard 10 year rule. And see if they are ready to try swinging with other couples after the third year of marriage ?
sometimes i find myself gettin too dry during sex and it hurts what should i do
i am 30 years old single man
in a month at least 10-15 time i hve done hand prectice.
my peneis size is very small maximum 4.5″
in this time i am feeling that my penies is not erecting properly when i was in exitment
before some month it was erected proper
also without erection i am ejclatetin in very few seconds
pls gude me
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My penis is too small about 3 inches. I feel I do not satisfy my wife and is always complaining that my penis is too small to make her achieve orgasm. She is pushing me to go for penis enlargement. How safe is penis enlargement and is it really possible. I see adverts of pills like vimax. Do you recommend penis enlargement. Please advise.
Me and partner is chubby and my partner’s penis is a small it is hard for me to have orgasim even with foreplay i need some suggestions on what can i do
I have had sex before plenty of times. I have a new sex partner and i am having trouble getting an erection. This also causes me to ejaculating before sex. What can i do to get a full errection and prevent premature ejaculation.
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